"Welcome to the club." That's our greeting, how we break the ice. When new family members or friends attend their first support group meeting and walk into the room where the meeting is held, you can feel their sadness and confusion.   Once everyone in the meeting room is settled – old timers and new arrivals – we acknowledge the new attendees by saying “Welcome to the club. Nobody wants to join.” We are glad they are here, but for me personally, it is bittersweet. It means that there is yet another family or a close friend who loves someone with an eating disorder and is struggling to make …

I excelled when it came to walking on eggshells.  Ed taught me well. He taught me to cater to his every need, to meet his every demand just to avoid his drama, tantrums and abuse. Continue walking on those eggshells and the eating disorder, not-so-affectionately known as “Ed," will not leave. Why should he? He has quite a comfortable place to live. He has his own personal butler.  I never intended to become a butler. The transformation took many months and I was pretty good at what I did. Ed made me work nonstop. There were no vacations and certainly no benefits. He interrupted my sleep and …

Our family was being held hostage.  We no longer took vacations. We stopped having company for dinner. We didn’t go anywhere unless it was absolutely necessary. We stopped being a family. Afraid to cause any upset, we walked on eggshells around the one who held us hostage. His name was Ed, an eating disorder.  When denial left and reality set in, it became apparent that our daughter was very ill. We did not understand that the behaviors we saw were a result of her illness. The anger and manipulation were not who she was, they were who Ed was.   Ed likes to take control of his victims and …

Let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. Wisdom. Webster defines wisdom as accumulated philosophic or scientific learning. My “let it be” wisdom was an accumulation of learning – to detach and let go, to not engage Ed, to not allow myself to get caught in the disease along with my daughter.  For those who haven’t met Ed, allow me to introduce him. Ed is an eating disorder. Ed’s entry was quiet. He snuck in like a soft blanket surrounding our family and then quietly proceeded to suffocate the happiness out of my daughter. I didn’t realize what was happening until Ed let his presence be …

During my daughter’s lengthy battle with anorexia, I was great at throwing a good party.  I was the only guest invited and no refreshments were served. I had these parties on a regular basis, at least once or twice a week. I held them in my car, my bedroom, the park – anywhere I could be alone. Pity parties were my specialty and some of them lasted for hours. When a family member is in the midst of an eating disorder, the feelings of helplessness, failure and disappointment are profound. Confusion lurks in every corner. I was under the impression that when my daughter’s treatment team was …

When our children are born we, as their parents, wonder what they will be when they grow up. We have visions of them being doctors, lawyers or teachers and sharing their accomplishments with friends and family. Great expectations indeed. When a diagnosis of an eating disorder is presented to a family, expectations need to be redefined. Actually, they need to be eliminated. This was a hard concept for me to wrap my brain around. My daughter had so much potential, so much promise, how could I not have expectations of what lay ahead for her? I wanted to believe that her eating disorder, (aka Ed…

I'm a believer ... In her book "Life Without Ed," author Jenni Schaefer writes: In my recovery, my parents were able to truly provide support only when we all accepted that they would never understand what Ed drives me to think and do. They often say, "I don't understand, but I support you." People don't have to understand us. We just need them to believe us. If I tell my mom that I "feel  fat," I do not need her to convince me I am not fat. Instead, I just need her to believe that I really do feel fat. "Life Without Ed" (Ed stands for eating disorder) was a tall glass of water to a parched …

Our family had a tenant with a very seductive voice.  He lied and was manipulative. He kept us in a state of denial, confusion and helplessness. His name was Ed. Ed did not take up a lot of room. Ed did not have an audible voice. Ed did not pay rent. "Ed" is an eating disorder. He started visiting in spring 2000. He moved in with us permanently about six months later and turned our world upside down. He moved out seven years later. The eviction was no easy task. It was difficult and painful and took us on a journey that I never could have anticipated and would wish on no one. After my …